(Small target = Frantic firing = Fun)
There are barnacles, which cling to the ceiling, snaring your much-abused scalp with a freakish long tongue, before drawing you up into their jaws. You will see the teeth champ in anticipation, as you spray bullets in an irresponsible, panicky fashion. It's great fun.
There are antlions, which spawn endlessly. The trick is not to rile them - don't go into the long sand! Sandy sand, whatever.
And then of course there are your alien overlords, who rule over you with the help of human minions, and advanced weaponry. The kind that has subjugated humanity, and destroyed all hope of salvation.
Welcome to Eastern Europe. Much like S.T.A.L.K.E.R, and Day Z, the game developers of Half Life 2 have decided that when the apocalypse comes, it'll look so much better with some Russian writing, and old style concrete blocks. Perhaps the unfamiliarity of the setting and letters (all Cyrillic) are meant to unnerve the player. Maybe the artist threw a strop. In any case, you're Gordon Freeman, renegade physicist, and for God only knows what reason you've decided to head to City 17, capital of the new administration. Because that seems like a sensible thing for the most wanted man alive to do.
(Desperate renegade - Waltzes straight into a security checkpoint)
It's fine, they all speak English. What's not fine is just how wanted you are, and how quickly you have to go on the run from all kinds of chopping and chomping critters, some of whom have extremely unpleasant weaponry.
After all, Half Life 2 is most definitely a shooter. It's predecessor practically pioneered the scripted sequence - so the next time you walk down a hallway, knowing that something is going to leap out of that grate whether you're ready or not - you know who to thank.
But Half Life is an educated shooter. Like many games with scientific/philosophical references in their titles (Bioshock, Mass Effect, Deus Ex), it pays attention to story, to atmosphere. You feel cleverer playing it. Possibly it's the fact that you're a physicist, not a super-soldier. For some reason, there are standards to live up to. Another possibility is the sheer range of guns - each of them feel distinct and different, and there are a range of tactical choices resulting from that.
Partly this is thanks to alien technology - so Valve has an excuse to shove in the most outlandish (and fun) weapons possible. Partly, I think, it's because Valve understands the importance of pacing. With every new scenario, and every new weapon, the pace is upped a bit, until you're blazing through government troops like a particularly pissy god.
Each weapon is linked to a setpiece too. When you pick up the rocket launcher on the coast, you'll find yourself with plenty of gunships to shoot down. The gravity gun, which lets you pick up and throw any object, is obtained just before Ravenholm, a town filled with very sharp things - and zombies. You learn as you go, without realise that you're learning - in this sense, teaching Half Life's tricks to players clearly prepared Valve for Portal, which mixes tutorial and game in a sublime, invisible fashion.
It all has the effect of revolutionising the gameplay every level or so. Elements of Half Life feel like a roadtrip, with an almost open ended exploration. Others are more claustrophobic battles through crowded alleys. Each new gun shines a fresh light on the situation, and helps keep the gameplay exciting. There are even a few puzzles - fairly simple things - but enough to help you pretend that you are that masterful physicist everyone so adores. You know, the one who'll save the world from its oppressors, with crowbar, pistol, and disturbing alien fecal matter.
I know I recommend a lot of games on this blog - it's because I haven't the will to load up Spore for screenshots. I'd be bored criticising it. But Half Life 2 really is worth a go, as it is a classic shooter, that hasn't aged too badly. Neither has its predecessor for that matter - though that's harder, and more graphically challenged.
Play Half Life 2 on hard. Finish it up, maybe download the sequels (Valve fell for the episodic gaming fad a few years back). It's a game with immense replayability, and you'll be able to make niche comments on gaming forums. That's worth the small Steam price alone.
And, once you're done with all that, have a look at the Dear Esther mod, for something more atmospheric than gamey - play it alone, without distractions. Garry's Mod is also famous, for the way you can play with the game's physics engine, though I've never tried that one. Peek through 'Concerned', a comic based on the events of Half Life 2. Buy a headcrab plushie for your girlfriend, or a headcrab hat for Hallowe'en.
In short have fun, because life is short. There are aliens coming, and it's time to train up.
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